Good News!... You are perfect!

You are perfect! You were born perfect and still are perfect. You just have a busy mind that likes to create stories to take you away from your perfection. We all come from God which is the infinite source of love. Love is our essence, it is our core. We are born as pure love. As we grow up we get a lot of things stuck to our little love beings and then as grown ups all we are trying to do is heal, recover and move on so that we can get back to that vague memory of what it was like before our story started. 

 Guru Dev Singh asked yesterday in class why we do yoga? Every one had answers like heal, and overcome the past... He laughed, NO! We do yoga to shut our minds up for long enough to see our own perfection. It is not about creating the person you want to be it is about realizing you are already it. Let go of the story, live form this day forth and you will be who you want to be, no healing necessary. We like to make things so complected but the truth is they are not.

Stop creating complicated questions and your life will become simple. Lets live LIGHT today, leave the baggage at the bus stop.  For this next week as part of my challenge i am going to drop the story. I am doing all this yoga not to over come anything but to simply remember that i already am all that i want to be. Silencing the mind is the key.

Winged Heart- Journey on my 40 challenge.

 I just started a 40 day yoga challenge. The last month has been a roller coster of emotions and as fun, hard, and big as it has been i am ready to get off the ride now... So i have come too, when in doubt do a shit load of yoga:)
 One of the things that i have been working on relates to Kahilil Girbran's words... "Waking with a winged heart and giving thanks for another day of loving". I am trying to truly understand what it means when i say i love someone. It is easy to for me to say I love you, and i do believe i truly mean it, but i also believe that we do not know how authentic our love is until it is tested. I want to love everyone but i also want to trust that when i say i love you it runs to the essence of the meaning, which for me is "Love that turns to sorrow of hate is not love".
For me becoming a self witness is the key to understanding myself and why i do things the way i do. It is like being an ostrich with you head in the sand when you do not have a self witness, only your not hiding from the world your hiding from yourself. I am pulling my head out of the sand!

So 40 day yoga challenge bring it!  I am going to created the space for my observer to watch the show, what comes up, what goes down and how can i get back to the most authentic space of LOVE that exists within me.

I am going to blog along the way so if you would like to join me on this journey please do.

Love and Light! XOXOX

Trusting In The Rivers Destination.

I find it entertaining to watch myself when life gets a little uncomfortable. Here I am living a spiritual life and on a path of yoga (union with all that is), and yet when the road gets bumpy- how quickly am I to complain. I think we can all relate to these types of moments in our lives where we choose negative thoughts over finding the gratitude in a situation. If you’re living an “alternative” life style you most likely have the whole Manifestation language down, so when things are not going your way you must be projecting wrong or in desperate need of a new vision board.

Please don’t get me wrong, I believe in all of that stuff as well, but at what point in all of our projecting and manifesting do we just try to enjoy wherever we are, the challenges and all!?!

If you want to live a happy, safe, comfortable life then you better dig a rabbit hole and move in. Why do we often forget how much we grow and evolve from our heartbreaks or loss of money or jobs? When we look back on our lives and see the leaps and bounds we took because of the discomfort why do we forget that this current situation of discomfort might bring us those same opportunities to grow and expand.

Let us stop complaining and just go with it… As a great Hopi elder once said, “let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep your eyes open and head above water, know that the river has its destination. At this time in history we are to take nothing personally, least of all our selves! For the moment we do our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.”

Keep your life light and flowing… Enjoy, embrace and love the challenge and discomfort- if you can do that you will go farther then you ever knew was possible.

The Mat is only the beginning...

 I went with my mother to be filmed for a Turkish TV show. On the way there we got in to a discussion about yoga and how it can help people and change their lives. Along with us was a dear friend who is also a Kundalini yoga teacher and life coach. It was interesting to see all of our different viewpoints on the subject. All three of us are yoga teachers and have a deep love for Kundalini yoga but our discussion was about understandings the power and ability yoga alone has to change someone’s life.
 
My mom having been living and practicing Kundialin 40 years and having had Yogi Bhajan as her teacher comes from a deep place and understanding of the Divine and the power of having Grace come into your life and help you when you ask for it. She believes that when one comes to a point in their life when they need help to see the light, Grace comes in and shows the path. For everyone the path can be different, for her it was Kudalinin yoga. She also believes that we need a role model to show us what is possible and some times even to share a technique of how they got to where they are. The individual may experience a moment of awakening -- that there is more to life than what they have been previously acknowledging, but it is rare for them to know how to make a sustainable change without a little help or guidance. So a teacher and a technique are needed.
 Our friend coming from the life coaching background believes that it is all a choice. Every individual has Grace and the wisdom within and therefor can make the choice which way to go if they want to change their life. A technique or teacher can be helpful, but not necessary. It is rather about the choices they make.
 
One thing that I have noticed about yoga and the path that many in the west have been lead to, is the idea that once you start you are on the road to enlightenment and the power to “manifest” anything you want. I have dedicated my life to yoga and love and respect it deeply; however, I am pretty sure that just yoga alone will not lead you any where close to enlightenment or even the life that you think “perfect”. We must be carful of the way we offer yoga to students, sometimes giving people the idea that they have the tool that will SAVE or ENLIGHTEN them can become dangerous. It can create the idea that they are special and have superiority over others who are not on that same path, which then makes yoga no different then religion. It can also create ideas that if they do hours of yoga a day their lives will be exactly what they want and they need to do nothing more.

As we were talking in the car I realized that I agreed with both my mom and our friend. There is a place for the Divine to come in and create the “miracles” but there also must be a place for personal responsibility and choice.  

 Forgive my judgment but we all know that there are people who have been practicing yoga for years and they are the same jerk as they were before they knew even knew what the word yoga meant. I have also seen people who begin a path of yoga and devotion to their higher-self and they change so deeply you would not recognize them. Why would the same practice affect two people differently?

Yoga is an amazing tool to experience the Divine within. It is hard to make the choice that will serve the Divine us if we have never experienced it. Yoga may be the first steep to that awakening, but once you have had the experience it all becomes choice. How we act off our mats, how we love, how we trust, and we give and forgive. Yoga does not give you a magic wand to enlightenment; it only gives you the touch and tools to open your mind to a new opportunity -- a way of being. The funny thing is, people get the idea that if they begin a yogic path everything in their life will become perfect. They will attract the right love, they will project for the perfect job and get it, and they will become rich and famous just because they are on “the path.” Then when things do not go according to plan or desire, they curse the universe and begin the blame game again.

Yoga does not mean freedom from every thing you do not like in your life, it means union. Union with all that is. Union with trust, because all that is, is by Divine Grace. To me yoga is the union between the experiences of the Divine within and then the way you choose to live your life once you have had these experiences. The practice does not end on the mat; rather the mat is only the beginning. How you treat the lady honking at you in traffic, your loved ones, or the homeless man you pass on the street is where your practice lives. When you’re pissed off and want to blame the world, but instead you make the choice to find the blessing and gratitude in the situation is where yoga/union lies. Yoga is simply a tool to help you find the Grace in every breath.

“Being the light house”- Yogi Bhajan

I am wrapping up my journey in India and getting ready to head to Cape Town, South Africa. India has given me the opportunity to experience every thing; love, fear, anger, peace, my truth. I am leaving with more clarity as too who I am. When I am here everything from within comes out and when I am open and willing to embrace it, I grow immensely.

I came to India with a lot of ideas of how it would be. What my schedule would look like and what I was going to get out of this trip. Ha! Never do that in life, but really never do that when you are coming to India! All my plans changed about 10 times. I was doing a teachers training; I was not. I was going to travel to southern India for a week of Ayurveda treatments by myself; I was not. I was going to a Tibetan orphanage to teach yoga; I was not. At one point Divine Mother was really having a good laugh I am sure.

My reaction at first was to try and control it all. Every time a plan fell through or changed I immediately had the alternative lined up. Once I realized that was not working the frustration started to set in and fester and I become increasingly emotional. Every day was up and down, I started to question why I was even in Indian. At points I was ready to go home. I missed my life that I could control; or at least appeared that way. My mind spun in this loop and began validating why I even felt this way in the first place. And that was because “I did not have a purpose” in where I was at that moment. I was at a beautiful retreat center with wonderful people, but I did not have “to do anything,” I just had to “BE.” I had no job, I was not teaching, I was not really helping in any way, so the way I justified my feelings was that I longed to live a life of purpose, of service in order to feel full.
One night I was sitting with my friend and he was asking me what was wrong, because I was clearly a mess. He had never seen me like this so it was a bit of a surprise. At that point I was not even sure, my mind had taken me on so many different trips there was no clarity. We sat by the fire and I stared deeply in to the flames. I finally explained to him all the stuff that had been tumble weeding through my head, coming to a deep pressure of need to live my purpose “saving the world.” He stopped me and said “Your purpose is not what you “do,” but how you are despite the circumstance. What you do is only a mere expression of your purpose.”

I believe this is what I came to India to learn. I grew up with a lot of ideas as too what I needed to do this life to fulfill my purpose. Many of them I trust to be true, but I also know that if I can not hold my truth, trust and grace in any situation it does not matter if I am saving a thousand orphans or teaching 10 yoga classes a week. My purpose is to be connected to the Divine, to be an expression of her, to “be the light house,” everything that comes from that is just an expression of source.

We all get caught in the idea of finding our place in the world, finding our rolls and purpose. Often it creates stress and a sense of being lost or it can create a deep pressure that turns to anger or sadness when we do not feel we are living it. We make excesses like “I would if I had the money or time.” We are always in the waiting room, waiting for the opportunity. Or worse – our ego becomes inflated as we quantify our deeds and compare our contributions.

If we start with the simple task of taking time to sit, be still, be quite and connect to Source everything else will follow. When we are connected we are at peace wherever we are. There is never a sense of loss or loneliness, we never doubt where the universe has put us, and we are children of trust emanating love. What ever we do is merely an expression of our PURPOSE.

Making a List - Checking it Twice

A friend of mine keeps telling me I need to write a letter to the Universe, listing exactly what I am looking for in a partner. It seems like a sweet idea -- I even believe in the power of it, but I’ve never taken the time to actually do it.

This past month I’ve been climbing a steep learning curve when it comes to "relationships." I have fought tooth and nail to “hold on” during the inclines and slid topsy-turvy down the slopes…I’ve come out with a deeper understanding of what it is I am looking for and what it is I have to offer.

As I’ve gone through the turmoil of figuring out my "story," I decided to reach out to all my sources of wisdom and support. I’m blessed to be surrounded by some of the most amazing teachers in the world. I once again found my center in this cocoon of nourishment.

I dare not drag you though the drama and details, but it would all be for not -- if I did not share the cliff notes :)

- Don't try to change anyone; it is not my job, my right, or my business to do so. And regardless, it just won’t work.
- Don't change who I am unless it is for the better of my own well being.
- Keep my heart open, no matter what!
- Don't take it personal; however a person is treating me comes from their "story," not mine. The same way how I treat others is my "story," not theirs.

I find that often when I’m going through a learning curve like this one, I gather with girlfriends and chat it out. We boy-bash, tell dating horror stories, and recall the numerous idiots we went out with. We make light of the fact that we are draw to guys that are "less than" what we know we deserve. We laugh and giggle and then for some reason always end with a version of – “all that we put ourselves though is at least worth the story in the end.” We use this tactic for overcoming pain, whether it is deep pain or just a bruised ego. It is our way of dusting off and moving on. But what do I really grow into from these experiences?

Here is where my biggest lesson came in. I am a heart centered person, and I believe anyone who takes the time to read this blog is as well. When we go through the pain of heart break, it’s hard to see the other person’s pain. But most likely it is there for them as well (maybe even deeper than ours), especially if they have been the ones to act in an inconsiderate way. Most likely this person does not even want to act this way, but does not have the tools to know or be different. Put yourself in their shoes; they are most likely aware in some capacity that their actions are hurting you, but they are trapped and don’t know how to evolve! The agony or hurting someone you love is so painful in its self, nothing needs to be added to it!

I’m not going to add to that person's pain by bagging on them; I’m going to take responsibility for the choices I made. I’m going to take care of my heart and move forward with a few more tokens of wisdom in my pocket and hope they can do the same. I’m also not going to discredit the journey just because I left the destination of “us.” That is the biggest mistake I believe we make. But I will find new paths to walk; I don’t need to retrace those steps.

So now it comes back to being single and writing this list...

One last beautiful thing a teacher said to me that resonated so deeply was -- to use this time alone to get my own being ready so that when I meet my match I am the best version of ME possible. Stop focusing on what I want form someone and focus on what I have to give, this is the true nature of the Heart Centered Self. If I’m going to ask the universe for the best partner in the world -- I better be ready to give the best ME ever.

At the end of the day we have to keep our heart open, but we must stop looking so hard and really focus on what it is we have to offer, because that is all we can control anyway. Don't try to change people, be an example and take responsibility for what you expect from them. If you’re trying to pick an apple from an orange tree you can't get mad at the tree for not giving you the fruit you want, after all it’s an orange tree..and you should have checked your list!

Self- Love

"If you could get rid of yourself just once, the secret of secrets would open to you. The face of the unknown hidden beyond the universe would appear on the mirror of your perception." - Rumi


Self-love seems to be a challenge for all of us. Recently I was visiting with a friend, catching up and discussing various challenges we were working through. As we delved into them I realized that although our challenges we literally opposite, they were rooted in the same lake of total self-love.

My friend is a very discipline person, it is his gift this life. It comes to him without too much effort. If he says he is going to do something, he follows through. He is committed to finishing even when his perspective on the issue may have changed from when he started the task. His challenge is not discipline or follow through, but rather in loving himself throughout the journey. He is too hard on himself and no matter how much he accomplishes it’s usually not “good enough.”

My challenge on the other hand is discipline. I am not being too hard on myself, its true :) I have been told by many astrologers that my great challenge this life is going to be to cultivating a deep sense of discipline, but that once I do it – it will become my greatest gift.

As we were talking, it hit me. We are both trying to make strides in life that serve us in growth and health. Most of us living lives of consciousness are on paths of self-improvement. However, we get stuck when we do not acknowledge our accomplishments or when we are unable to push ourselves to do a little more. Without self-love, we fall into a state of imbalance on either side of the pendulum.

For me, self-love needs to go deeper so that I know exercising discipline is not restrictive, but a road to greater freedom. If I can remain focused and dedicated to my mission and goals my self-love can serve me and open new, bigger possibilities.

For my friend, it is about recognizing his amazing gift of discipline - to find joy and fulfillment in the journey and peace in the outcome. Self-love will enable him to experience the fruits of his labor rather than moving so swiftly onto another focus.

So here we all are with a lack of self-love. How do we begin to truly love ourselves?

I am reading “How to know God,” by Patanjali who was a great yogic master and enlightened being. In this book he speaks to the Atman. The Atman is the Divine essences within each and every one of us. Patanjali talks about striping away all the layers of the self (the personality, stories, the ego, the identity). Basically all that you think you are and all that you think you lack. It reminds me of the movie Born Identity; if you were to have your life taken away from you and your memory erased who would you be? You would still be here, breathing and very much alive, but if everything you thought you were was gone in a moment could you exist simply as your light- that light is your Atman?


Once we go beyond our own identity we can see that we are in fact the Divine, each and every one of us. So to judge ourselves or have anything less than love for ourselves is to not love the Divine. This may resonate with you or not. In either case, how do we take this concept or truth (depending on how you see it) and apply it in our lives so that is serves us, and is not just another idea from a dead guy?

When my creepy-little-lacking-loving-self comes up I consciously strip away my "identity" and see the Divine. Sometimes I just use my imagination if I am not in the right mind space to truly embody the feeling (fake it to make it). I remind myself of the truth; I am the Divine, nothing less or more. Simply the Divine, here to experience this human life and to not love myself is to not love all that is true in my heart.


What do you do? What will you do? Let us love the divine in our self so that we may be compassionate and present – fully able to serve.